There’s a Pants Party
and we’d really like
you to come.


But first, we need to test your knowledge of safer sex. You’re only invited to the pants party if your sex smarts are up to snuff.


Question 1

What is the best way to help prevent STI transmission (besides entering into a monogamous relationship with your hand)?

  1. Always have sex in a pool or hot tub. Chlorine is toxic to sex viruses and germs.
    Not so! If you are rubbing someone else's bits with yours, then germs can pass between you. Chlorine is not a sexual disinfectant.
  2. Oral play only, and always brush and floss
    Oral hygiene is important, but even the cleanest mouths can pass STIs.
  3. A condom.
    When it comes to helping prevent STI transmission, the condom is King. Or Queen, because box liners are a thing too.

Question 2

Where do STIs live?

  1. In your mouth
    STIs sure can hide out in your mouth, which is why during oral sex you should use an oral dam. Not to be confused with a beaver dam, even though a beaver may very well be involved. B is also correct, btw.
  2. In Penistown, Vaginaville, and Bum City
    Yes, STIs can take up residence just about anywhere in your body. In fact, A and B both correct answers.
  3. On a toilet seat
    Just like the story that alligators live in sewers, this is actually a myth. STIs cannot survive long outside the human body, so toilet seats are safe from STIs. But wash your hands properly to avoid other germs that cause colds and flus.

Question 3

After a night of drinking, the person you've had your eye on seems to be waving you in to home plate. You've had a few drinks and they've had a few more than that. What should you do?

  1. Give them your number and make sure they have a safe way home.
    Classy move. Masturbation was invented for nights like this.
  2. High-five your friend and hop in the cab -- it's a great night for knocking boots!
    Be careful. It may seem like a solid sexual transaction that night, but the next morning things may not be so clear. When your judgment or someone else's is impaired by alcohol or another substance, you put yourself at risk of non-consensual sex.
  3. Go back to their place and see how it goes.
    Don't talk classy and act nasty -- cautious optimism doesn't always pay off. It's true, drinking often makes people horny, but when you and/or your would-be bunk buddy are impaired, it can be easy to misunderstand each other and you could end up in a non-consensual situation.

Question 4

True or false: STIs only pass by penetration like swallowing the meat popsicle, munching the pink taco, riding the slip-n-slide, or going in the backdoor.

  1. True
    ENNNH WRONG. Penetration (whether it's oral, vaginal, or anal) is the most likely way to pass STIs, but a few actually pass by skin-to-skin contact, including some of the most common like HPV and herpes.
  2. False
    True dat! Some STIs live on the skin so handskis and fingerbanging can pass certain STIs like HPV or herpes.

Question 5

What question should you ask someone before sharing a naughty nightcap?

  1. Could you make your cat look away?
    Dude. No. Right now, you should be more concerned with your underwear eel or panty hamster.
  2. Top or bottom?
    Oh stop it. The only position you need to worry about is making sure your raincoat is on right.
  3. You're sure we're not cousins, right?
    It's a small world, but no -- wrong answer.
  4. When was your last STI test?
    Exactly. Before you even take your socks off, make sure your new partner is taking care down there too.

Question 6

No means no, but what does it mean to say yes?

  1. Saying yes because you want to say yes.
    Exactly. Is there any word sexier than yes, whether it's a whisper or a scream? C is also true.
  2. Not saying no.
    Talk to the hand. Not all communication is verbal, and someone who doesn't want to make whoopee might use their body language to communicate that they don't want to.
  3. Your decision-making is not impaired.
    Yes, you have to understand what's happening to be able to consent. This means, you're not drunk, high, or unconscious. A is also true.

Question 7

Lots of people are interested in anal sex. BUTT how can you take care down there if you want to do it safer-style?

  1. Lotsa lube and go to it.
    Lube is important, especially around the butthole since it doesn't make its own and lining is more delicate and is more likely to tear than other orifices. But that is not all you need.
  2. Use a spermicide.
    NIMBY! You need to study up on safer anal sex, and probably human anatomy. Spermicide is a form of contraception, not STI protection -- and since you can't get pregnant through the butt, sense this does not make. Spermicides up the back way can also cause irritation in the poop chute.
  3. Make sure Little Johnny is wearing his raincoat.
    Good call. In addition to STIs, anal sex increases the likelihood of other infections. So love right and use a condom. AND lots of love jelly, because you need lube to get in the mood.

Question 8

Oral sex feels wicked, but you could:

  1. Get bitten.
    Well, yes. You need to communicate with your partner what does and ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT feel wicked. But there's something else you should be thinking about before you get into position.
  2. Get cum in your hair.
    Nature's own hair gel! At least it washes out. But if that is out of bounds, be sure to make that clear before you agree to sit in the splash zone.
  3. Catch an STI.
    Truth. And if you're the giver or receiver, you risk exposure. So use an oral dam or a condom.
And now,

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